The Welsh Lapdance Destruction Squad

This blog post is mainly going to centre around the events that have happened in the last week; a week where drinking goon has become a way. The blame for this can entirely be laid at the door of G, the crazy pierced Welshman I introduced you to in my last update.

As we all know chronology is where it’s at that though which means we should retrace my steps to Tuesday night, I did thoroughly enjoy reading the Hobbit and the Domino’s pizza. I had planned on a quiet night, with having work in the morning. This did not happen. Firstly, goon was bought and then opened. Then we made camp on the table out the back with a deck of Uno cards. What was originally just me and the G became a ten player international tournament for the ages.

The Canadians whacked out their own goon, Olly went to the bar and bought a heap of bottles in, we were joined by the Pizza Man and Angelina Jolie and we proceeded to get drunk and play uno, which of course resulted in me feeling a sickly sweet goonover at work the next day. Eugh. Oh and before we move on special mention to Olly’s PG Tips monkey; awesome.

Wednesday was an easy day, free barbecue was once again consumer with gusto and I made it to the final 3 of killer pool; mainly because I was wearing my orange pyjamas pretty much. Me and G then polished off the remainder of the goon with retarded card games and “Never have I ever.”; “Never have I ever been Welsh” was my favourite :P.

Thursday was a nice relaxing time, on the afternoon I finished the Hobbit, which is simply a classic, love it. Then I spent most of the night reading Twilight, I know its the “big thing” at the moment and I thought I would give it a chance and I’m glad I did, smashed 270 pages on the first night, awesome book, nearly finished now, loving it.

So that brings us to Friday, nothing exceptional to report about the day but the night was an absolute horrorshow. The goon was bought in and we were ready for the traffic light party in the hostel. The start of the evening was a sign of what would follow; Katie spilt her cider into her shoe, of course she drank the cider from the shoe, you can’t be wasting precious alcohol after all can you?

The party started with free pizza at half seven which went down well and then the party started in earnest, alcohol started flowing and the games started to come out. Musical chairs got things kicking off to start, my apologies to Katie for nearly putting her on the pool table on her head, it was unintentional šŸ˜›

Then there was some dancing on tables, some boat racing and then the night took a rather random turn; a competition to win a trip to the Barossa valley was to be decided by a lap dancing competition. I found myself partnered with G who insisted that I should sit down. An ominous sign. The music started and G wasted no time in getting down to his boxers.

Which would have been bad enough as he wrapped his belt around my neck and then he decided to leap on me on the chair, which after rocking back and forth for what seemed like a minute but was probably two seconds, and then decided the best idea would be to fall over.

So we landed on the floor in a heap, and on top of an obliterated wooden chair, thankfully the owner found this so hilarious he didn’t care one bit. If you would like to see me losing my dignity once again the pictures are already on facebook.

The night continued to move along at a pretty pace and next up came the karaoke, I proceeded to murder a few things, I can’t really remember what and this is where my memories of the evening become very hazy and the next thing I really remember is waking up and my head hurting a tremendous amount. I spent 5 minutes searching around for my glasses and then have spent most of the day in bed. I would like to mention that I couldn’t even manage to get into bed last night, picture evidence shows I was half in and half on my backpack, haha!

It’s been excellent though, I had been given some bacon by an old Japanese man who was heading home the previous day; it was a godsend this morning. The previous night my jeans had been ripped along the back and as I sat eating I remarked to a Canadian girl; “I wish I had a sewing kit” to which she replied “I’ve got one in my bag do you want me to sew them up.” Yes I did. How very random.

The rest of the day has been spent napping or lazing around and doing sod all, the plan was to get mashed tonight but no one seems to be feeling it, I have no idea what might yet happen lol. Oh and I’ve just listened to Whats the Story Morning Glory, and its still class. Wolf out.

Love and Lapdances

J. Xx

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