Return of the Mack (White 23 yr old non-badass remix) Pt 1

Hello all, my apologies for being a bad blogger recently. Since returning to England my mind (and my body) have been all over the shop. I’ve already been to a foreign country (Scotland), scored my first goal since returning to hockey and been off my tits drunk more than once; lets take a look.

So I left you in London, while there my sister took me out for a lovely meal to the furry porpoise (or something like that) and it was delicious, other than that I waged a semi-succesful battle with jet lag and rediscovered how shit the Tube is, which is great as I’m planning on moving to…. London. Shit.

From there I jumped on a train from Kings X up to Leeds where my Dad picked me up. How bizarre it is to see your father when you haven’t in over 11 months, we began to catch up, he has new couches, a new floor and a new TV. Lucky bastard 😛

A little after that I arrived back to home, as in my actual home, the place where I grew up, have my own bed and an inordinately wrong amount of embarrassing photos of me as a child, which you can view if you only get on the right side of my lovely mother. My (theoretical and unlikely) future wife would no doubt have a field day with that.

I digress, it was lovely to be back home and despite it being a Wednesday night my mother had been a hero and listened to my request for a proper Sunday roast to be my first meal at home. Delicious. It did not however take long for Mum to steal control of the TV and inform me of my need to be a lot tidier when under her roof. Some things will never change!!

On the Thursday night I went out to the Curry Club at Lloyds with Cheryl “Bianca” Harper for a good catch up and that was about all I managed to achieve in Hartlepool before it was time to go to the foreign lands of Scotland for my mate Richard’s wedding.

An early start wasn’t exactly preferential but as we were required to be in St. Andrew’s early afternoon for the wedding 5:30am was the start time; I felt like I was getting up at the time to go on a tour of Ayre’s Rock, mercifully the day did not include any hiking in the rather chilly, windy and wet Scottish highlands.

After the car journey up we found ourselves a little early to check into our B&B so we headed to Tesco in search of sustenance. After taking one look at the fried breakfast I decided against it and went with a chicken and mushroom slice, a piece of quiche and a scotch egg (when in Rome….). I then discovered that a chicken and mushroom slice did infact hold 49% of your daily fat allowance. The fried breakfast might have actually been healthier. Wow. On the note of food I am so happy that it is SO much cheaper in England.

Anyway it was wedding time, we headed back to the B&B, checked in, chatted with out genial hosts for awhile, I took possibly the best shower of my life in the ridiculous luxury provided by a £40 a night B&B and proceeded to throw on my suit. Then it was time for a taxi to the venue.

We thought since the wedding was scheduled for 2pm around 12:45 would be a good time to arrive, we were the first ones there and for a second thought we might have the wrong place. Thankfully people started to trickle in and we quickly discovered we weren’t.

After waiting a little time for Gemma, the bride, to get herself quite ready for the ceremony it commenced, I’m sure during the waiting period Richard’s arse was doing 50p to 5p but a girl has to look just so on her special day. The ceremony went off without any hitches, Richard had a slight muff on one line but nothing on the scale of Ross on Friends.

After picture time with the photographer we settled into chatting away with randoms, we met an awesome couple from Scotland and then took our seats for the evening meal. The food was awesome, the people on our table were not. There was nothing wrong with them per se, they were just not my kind of people. I ate their childs chicken nuggets as it was asleep. They let me. I am still a terrible person.

From there it was time for the free bar, generously paid for by Gemma’s father and much appreciated by one and all. Top stuff. From there we hit the dancefloor, a great time to be sure, and just when my dancing feet were warming up it was time to go. This was probably a good thing for everyone present, the free bar bill and my hangover.

From there it was a taxi home, a good sleep, a good chat with the owner, a rather funny and well travelled Scot and a rather excellent breakfast before driving back down to Hartlepool at silly AM to be back in time for hockey. I slept for most of this journey, I know little of it.

Upon arrival back in Hartlepool we made a swift pre-hockey dash to JJB as I didn’t have any Astros, being the person I am I bought a pair of black and white Umbros and added a pair of neon orange laces as they weren’t bright enough for me.

From there it was to the hockey pitch and the first ten minutes saw me looking half decent, with a goal from the top of the D, possibly the worst reverse stick finish that will ever go in from the top of the D but they all count, and assist to Philly Moon. I then spent the rest of the game blowing out of my terribly unfit arse. We won 3-1 though and that is what counts. First game of the league as well. Quality.

Post hockey I went out for a lovely meal with my Mum at Portafinos for a good catch up, for her to admonish on anything less than sensible, for her to remind me all my good qualities come from her and to let me know that under no circumstances am I allowed possession of the TV remotes for back room.

And right there we shall end week one of my return, as I can’t remember anything more and I want to get to 5-a-side. Keep Smiling!

Love and Orange

J. Xx


One Response to “Return of the Mack (White 23 yr old non-badass remix) Pt 1”

  1. That is correct Jon at no time will you be allowed the remote controls except in my absence! 🙂 It is good to have you back but rules are rules you would not want to live in anarchy or maybe you would!

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